Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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