Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
