He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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