btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
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