Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
