At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
