This girl is more easily done than said...
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
