From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
