Small penises have feelings too.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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