Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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