I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
