Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Randomize
