Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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