so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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