Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
This girl is more easily done than said...
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
