I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize