And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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