I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
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