Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
