I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
