We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
