I will die if light touches me.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Randomize
