So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
