Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
