thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
