I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize