So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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