There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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