I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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