Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize