please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
