Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
