Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
