It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
You pole danced in your parka.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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