I wanna passion pit in your ass
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
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