I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
