Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
