i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
