she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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