Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
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