Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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