The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
