ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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