Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
