I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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