I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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