Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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