standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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