evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
