I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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