i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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