I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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