I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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