I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
