please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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