i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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