I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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