Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Randomize
