I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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