chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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