tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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