I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
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