You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
