What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
