I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
