Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
