Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize
