Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
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