bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
