If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
