She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
