my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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