Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Holy shit dude........stairs
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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