Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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