Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize